


i'm yours to keep and i'm yours to lose

by fransunflower



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babies, Comfort, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Funny, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Pregnancy, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fransunflower/pseuds/fransunflower
Summary: just a bunch of cj/danny one shots. but they're really cute, you should check them out.
Relationships: Danny Concannon/C. J. Cregg
Comments: 26
Kudos: 13





	1. I never meant to hurt you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies. This is something I've never done before but I'm kind of excited about. A few weeks ago I posted something on Twitter, telling people to give me a sentence - any sentence - and I'd write a little something for them. I'll be posting all stories here so if you have anything you'd like me to write please to comment it. I'm always looking for some inspiration. Enjoy!

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing that shot out of her mouth when she saw him.

"It's nice to see you again too," Danny Concannon said as he shoved his hand into his pockets. He hadn't changed much since she'd last seen him. His hair was shorter though. And his beard was trimmed neatly. She wasn't sure which way she preferred it. "How are you?" Danny asked and took another step towards her. C.J. didn't know if she should hug or slap him. She settled for a cold; "What do you want, Danny?"

"What I want?" He looked genuinely confused. C.J. regretted not going for the slap.

"Yeah. Why are you here?" C.J. leaned against the door frame, blocking the view into her office.

"I just wanted to say hi," Danny said, flashing that scruffy smile at her she never really could resist.

"You just wanted to say hi?" C.J. repeated, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Kinda, yeah." C.J. turned around on her heel and stalked back into her office. She had a briefing in 30 minutes, a meeting with the president in ten, and absolutely no time for Danny Concannon. Yet, he still followed her inside and shot the door behind him, like he had done so many times before.

"Well, you've said hello now so I'm not entirely sure what you're still doing here," C.J. snapped, never looking up from her briefing memo.

"How have you been?" Danny asked, leaning against her desk.

"Danny, I really don't have time for this." She really _didn't_ have time, but the truth was, she was happy to see him. It had been over a year since they had last spoken face to face. There had been emails and even phone calls in the beginning but after a while he just stopped responding. C.J. figured he had moved on, so she did too. Or so she thought. Danny leaned down so he could look straight into Gail's bowl. That damn fish. A constant reminder of the man C.J. could never have but so desperately wanted.

"Has she been working too hard, Gail?" C.J. eyed him, laughing – despite herself – at how ridiculous he looked talking to their fish. Their fish. Theirs. "I'm surprised she's still alive," Danny said and stood up straight again.

"Excuse me? Do you think I can't take care of a fish?" she asked, looking at Gail, swimming around behind her tiny briefing podium.

"I had my doubts, yes," Danny admitted. "You didn't have her replaced, did you?" C.J. gasped and put her hand on her chest.

"I would never do such a thing."

"Just asking." There was a moment of silence where neither of them said anything.

"Danny?" C.J. whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"I just needed to see you," Danny told her. The words hit her like a slap in the face. She hadn't expected that. C.J. thought he had come here with a story, or a quote he wanted a comment on. That was always why he came back. For the story. Never for her. Right? But he said he _needed to see her_. Needed.

"Danny, I can't do this right now," C.J. said, picking up random objects from her desk and placing them on her briefing folder.

"C.J.?"

"Yeah?"

"You takin' that letter opener with you?" C.J. looked down at the objects in her arm. She probably wouldn't need that letter opener for her meeting with the president. Or the stapler. Or Gail's food.

"C.J.-"

"Danny, not now," she cut him off. "I can't do this right now."

"Do what?" C.J. felt like strangling him.

"This. Us." She took a deep breath. "I can't do this right now. I can't talk to you; I can't even think about you. Because every time I see that stupid face of yours, I'm reminded of the fact that you _left_ me. And I can't do that right now. I don't want to do it." C.J. slammed the stapler back on her desk.

"I didn't leave you," Danny insisted.

"Yes, you did. You left."

"I didn't leave you, you didn't want me, C.J.. You pushed me away."

"That's not true. You left. You didn't even say goodbye." C.J. hated this. She hated that he had that effect on her, hated that he made her vulnerable.

"I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you'd be glad to finally be rid of me." Danny's voice was calm but C.J. could see the confusion in his eyes. She really had only herself to blame for this. It was her fault that he'd left. She knew it. She had pushed it too far, told him one too many times to leave her alone. _Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true_. C.J. really wished it hadn't. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, you did," C.J. shot back, angry tears threatening to make their way down her face, as she shouldered past him.


	2. I lost the baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Daisy because it's her birthday. I apologise in advance.
> 
> tw: mention of miscarriage

The apartment was quiet when she stepped inside. Danny would be home soon. She felt cold. So cold. She hung her jacket up on the coat rack and let her purse fall to the floor. As if in trance, she made her way over to the sofa. The silence that filled the air was deafening. She wanted to scream. But there was no air left in her lungs. She felt so empty. The mascara tears had dried on her cheeks and her hands were bruised from punching the wall. The door opened. She made no attempt to move. If she stood up, he would see the bloodstains on her pants and he would know.

"I'm home," Danny yelled. C.J. didn't answer. "C.J.?" When he entered the living room, she didn't look up. She couldn't bring herself to do it, couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. "C.J.? Are you okay?" Danny walked towards her, carefully, as if not to disturb her.

 _Please, do disturb me_ , she thought. _Please, let me wake up_. She kept her eyes down, fixated on her hands in her lap. She dug her nails so deep into her skin, she feared she might start bleeding. Danny knelt down in front her and took her hands in his.

"C.J., what's going on?" She willed herself to look up, too meet his gaze. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Only silence. "What happened?" C.J. just shook her head. She couldn't tell him. That would make it real. It couldn't be real. Danny gently tugged her hands. "Claudia?" C.J. drew a sharp breath, tears welling in her eyes, tears she tried so hard to fight. "Talk to me," he whispered.

"I can't," she chocked out.

"Why not?"

"You'll hate me." He would. He would yell and scream and hate her forever.

"C.J., I won't hate you. I could never hate you. Please, just talk to me." He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Danny, I-" She couldn't do it. But she had to. He deserved to know. "I lost the baby." The look on Danny's face was enough to push her over the edge. Hot tears made their way down her cheeks, washing away the old ones. "I'm sorry," she choked out as Danny stood up and started pacing the room. He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly holding back tears. C.J. couldn't handle it. "Danny, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I-"

"C.J., stop." Danny turned around, his face pained. "Stop." C.J. forced herself to hold his stare, looking him straight in the eye. "Are you okay?"

"What?" C.J. swallowed hard, wiping the tears from her face with her sleeve.

"How are you? Are you… are you alright?" He moved back to her side, sitting down next to her. Danny reached out and gently took her hands in his. "C.J.?" She was shaking heavily, unable to stop. "Are you alright?"

"No." It came out more like a sob, but Danny understood, pulling her into a hug. Her tears stained his shirt as she clung to him as if her life depended on it. "I'm so sorry, Danny. I'm so sorry."

"C.J., hey, _listen_ ," Danny said, stroking her arms. "It's not your fault. Okay? It's _not_ your fault." Her shoulders rose and fell with every sob. "It's not your fault."

"I was supposed to keep her safe," C.J. cried. "I'm was her mother. I was supposed to keep her safe." Danny pulled away slightly, lifting her chin with his finger.

"C.J., you're still her mother."

"But I was supposed to protect her." Danny kissed her forehead.

"You did. For as long as you could. This isn't your fault, Claudia. Okay?" C.J. nodded, not truly believing him. "When did it happen?" Danny asked. C.J. moved away slightly, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands. She shifted uncomfortably as she tried to calm down. "You don't have to-"

"No. You deserve to know," she said, taking a deep breath.

"C.J., if you're not ready-" Danny began but C.J. cut him off again.

"No, really. It's okay." She looked at her hands, as she spoke. "I was in my office. I was fine. I had a bit of a headache this morning, but it went away." Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, but she kept on talking. She knew if she stopped now, she would never get it out. "My back started hurting at around one and I had this dull ache in my stomach. But I didn't think anything of it." She paused, reaching for his hands. Danny took them, interlacing their fingers. She still didn't look up. "I was having lunch and then… Well, I felt this sharp pain and then there was blood. There was so much blood, Danny. I couldn't stop it." Her voice broke and she aggressively shoved away the tears. Danny took her hands, holding them still by the wrists so she wouldn't hurt herself.

"Were you alone?" Danny asked. C.J. shook her head.

"Charlie was with me. He drove me to the hospital."

"Okay. Good." Danny gently kissed the back of her hand. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to worry you," C.J. mumbled.

"You should have called me." He didn't sound angry when he said this, just concerned.

"You had that meeting."

"I would have canceled the meeting."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Danny assured her. C.J. looked up and for the first time she could really see the hurt in his eyes. He was trying so hard to be strong for her.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?" Danny tugged her hand gently.

"You don't have to be okay. You don't have to be okay for me," she told him, leaning a little closer.

"C.J., I want to be here for you." Danny rested his forehead against C.J.'s.

"You can be here for me and not be okay." C.J. traced his wedding ring with her finger, remembering the day they had promised to love each other in sickness and in health. _Was this sickness?_ C.J. wondered. She saw a single tear roll down Danny's cheek and squeezed his hand, for him as much as for herself.

"I want you to know I don't blame you. It's not your fault. Don't you dare think that. Don't you _ever_ think that." C.J. nodded and shifted so her back was against his chest and his arms around her waist. Danny kissed her temple, drawing circles on her wrist. "Do you want to change out of those?" C.J. shook her head.

"In a minute," she whispered.

"What do you need?" Danny asked, burying his face in her hair.

"For you to hold me," C.J. whispered. "What do you need?"

"To hold you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start yelling at me, I want you to know that this hurt to write. I'M SORRY. Feel free to leave reviews or requests anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to suggest something. I think it could be fun. It can even just be one word, a number or maybe a song. Anything you like!


End file.
